1. |
My Father Loved Me
04:25
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There’s a sharp looking man with a farmer's tan
In my baby book
Shoulders back, he leaned in to a broken world
He had a head of curls like his baby girl
And a devilish grin
He was a tender hearted trickster
And I’m a lot like him
And my father loved me
When he could not love himself
He put his faith in me
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And doubts weigh on my mind
I try and love myself the way my father loved me
You won’t say it out loud
You’re far too proud
But it’s plain to see
How his demons follow you
Just like they follow me
Between the three of us
There’s a lot of him
We got the good and bad
A steady hand
And a habit for getting oh, so sad
But our father loved us
When he could not love himself
He put his faith in us
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And doubts weigh on your mind
Try and love yourself the way our father loved us
Like licorice and tobacco and spearmint gum
When the worry’s coming for you, you better run run run
There’s a ghost of a man at the back of every hall I sing
And he’s a braggart, he claims his daughter could do anything
I wanna be just like him and nothing like him
At the very same time
And my father loved me
When he couldn’t love himself
How he believed in me
When he was certain he would fail
So when the world has been unkind
And darkness weighs upon my mind
I try, I try
And love myself the way my father loved me
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2. |
How I Was Made
05:00
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On a piece of drafting paper
18x24
Just before the metric system
Moved its way across the North
A young man wrote a letter
Wrote the longest letter ever
To his girl back in the States
And that’s how I was made
She was bright and level-headed
Quick to rail against the rules
He was kind and playful
Determined and true
And so they built a life together
Six months and then forever
In a church back in the States
And that’s how I was made
This is love
This ‘when can I see you?’
This ‘you’re on my mind’
The rushing in blind
This is love
Let the clock run a decade or two
And what do you have left
But a sense of obligation
And the memory of romance
And the children outside playing
The mortgage that needs paying
Was it all a mistake?
And that’s how I was made
This is love
This sticking it out
This yearn to escape
But choosing to stay
This is love
She’ll ask if he ate
And she’ll make him a plate
And he’ll remember Valentine roses
Time takes two lovers
And turns them to family
Familiar, but no less devoted
To bend and never break
Yes that’s how I was made
This is love
This seeing it through
The asking for help
And the bedside farewell
This is love
This is love
This house is too quiet
And all the reminders
of two lives intertwined
This is love
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3. |
Dad Worked Hard
04:03
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My dad worked hard
From the time he was young
To win the respect of his father
The love of his mom
Nobody had high hopes
For the scrappy farm kid
But nobody loved a challenge
Like my old man did
So with his hands and his sweat
With a hammer and a cigarette
Long hours in the hot sun
He laid a foundation
Late for dinner every night
Sunburn and an appetite
In the end he made out alright
With three kids and a frugal wife
My dad worked hard
Did yours work harder?
Is that what his thriving investments prove?
Well, I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too
He got the job done right
No you couldn’t call him lazy
And he wouldn’t overcharge you
Not like the big names did
He’d build a house from the ground up
Run the numbers in his head
He’d make enough to feed the family
And make it home to tuck me into bed
And he never gave up
until his body gave in
And his mind grew thin
No you never can tell
How time will treat you
She’s a great deceiver
Now he’s home every night
He’s home every day too
He needs help getting out of his chair
And can’t remember how to tie his shoes
I’ve been looking for the safety net
The one that’s supposed to catch him
When we can’t afford the care he needs
And he worked his whole god damn life
My dad worked hard
Did yours work harder?
Is that what a comfortable retirement proves?
I’m not saying that he didn’t earn the right to take it easy
I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure my dad did too
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4. |
Ontario
05:49
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Riding in the backseat makes me carsick
Make sure that your sister’s got a bucket
It’ll be a long drive
To your father’s side of the border
Superior, Lake Michigan
And Erie
An annual pilgrimage to prove our place
In the family
Stop at the Big Boy in Marquette
Can I get a root beer? Are we there yet?
Send a postcard from Christmas
Hit the truck stop in St. Ignace
Before we cross the Mackinac
And on through to the
Green tobacco fields of
Southern Ontario
Do you still love my father?
Ontario
Could you love a traitor’s daughter
Bowling five pin at the alley on the corner
Grab a donut from Tim Horton's
Get my accent back in order
Grandma’s elderberry pie
And grandpa’s yard sale finds
And by leaving time
I’m Canadian again
But Dad, do you ever get homesick?
How come they never visit?
And when you're working so hard
Are you just trying to forget?
Are you just trying to forget?
Ontario
Do you still love my father?
Ontario
Could you love a traitor's daughter?
Driving through the night
When I was older
It was my turn at the wheel
But Dad said move on over
Get in back, so I sat
And thought about how easily he falls asleep
When he’s reading, watching tv
Is it safe to shut my eyes
Oh God
The car rolled once
The car rolled twice
The car rolled…
The glass broke…
Before I heard the siren’s cry
I was sure that I had died
Riding in the backseat makes me nervous
Love, don’t bring it up it isn’t worth it
You’ve got to bury it deep
Bury it deep, bury it
Bury it deep, bury it deep
Bury it
Bury it deep, bury it deep
Bury it deep
Like your dad does
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5. |
Family Secrets
03:47
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My arms are too long for my body
And my hands are too big for my arms
But my dad
Part man, part orangutan
Held me close and he kept me from harm
So why waste my time
Wishing that I were proportionate?
And my skin is too thin for my family
How they laugh at my sensitive ways
Whether I’m happy or sad
I cry just like my dad
But I am proud to let it be named
I may be soft but I am not ashamed
And isn’t it brave?
To take what you’ve been given
The parts you kept hidden
The traits you denied
To find a strength
In what looked like a weakness
Take your old family secrets
And wear them with pride
Mmmm
So if your cheeks burn red when you’re nervous
If your hair curls tight in the heat
Know we all came from someplace
You’ve got your great-grandmother’s face
And walk the earth
With your ancestors' steady feet
And isn’t it brave?
To take what you’ve been given
The parts you kept hidden
The traits you denied
To find a strength
In what looked like a weakness
Take your old family secrets
And wear them with pride
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6. |
Bobby
04:10
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You’re going to give your mother a heart attack
Climbing on the rafters of the barn like that
Get your feet on the ground
Your chores done fast
Before the bus comes
Strong as an ox, stubborn as a mule
Still smaller than most the boys at school
The dinner bell rings you’ll eat your weight in food
If they’d let you
At least that's how I imagine you
The kid version of a man that I once knew
Racing your bike down the tree lined street
A notch in your belt for every tractor you beat
The dog at your side and the dirt in the heat
Of the afternoon sun
Dressed for church in your Sunday best
Your holey-est socks in honor of the blessed Savior
Neighbors, family and friends
Gathered around you
Everyone’s a sinner and everyone’s a saint
The kind of small town living
Where everybody knows your name
And there goes Bobby with his eyes of blue
The kid version of a man that I once knew
Did you rule the rink
When the temperature dropped?
Like Bobby Hull taking a slap shot
Like Bobby Ore dancing on ice
Your namesakes on your mind
But you were one of a kind
Bobby
Mind your little sister
While Mum cans the peaches
Swear it wasn’t your fault when she screeches
Get outside and leave the kitchen in peace
Just for once
All the aunts and uncles around the piano
Cowboy tunes and gospel like the Grand Ol’
Opry right there in your living room
Long past bedtime
Bobby
Who did you know and who did you love?
What kind of life were you dreaming of?
Sometimes I like to imagine you
The kid version of a man that I once knew
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7. |
Ghost of My Father
05:52
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Name your faith
And hold to it tight
We all know how this ends
We all hope to be right
But will a myth save your soul?
Do you have one to begin with?
How can you be sure?
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Until it is clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? No one knows
But the ghost of my father
The ghost…
Are our fates predetermined
Am I acting a part?
Oh, the burden of consciousness
The break of the heart
Tell me what makes a life
Worth living or ending
At the edge of the night?
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Until it is clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? No one knows
But the ghosts of our fathers
The ghosts surely know
I am pointlessly searching
Won’t someone assure me?
Will my efforts be wasted?
My existence erased
At my ragged last breath?
Oh, look at me death
Look me straight in the eyes
What does a dying man owe us?
Should he wear a brave face?
Make the leaving look easy?
Surrender with grace?
But you were frightened and small
When the tether gave way
And I have not forgotten
No, I am not the same
I sit quiet and still
With the ghost of my father
Hoping he’ll make it clear
Why he’s dead and I’m here
But where is ‘here’ exactly?
What’s beyond? I’ll never know
‘Til I’m a ghost like my father
A ghost
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8. |
Heart On Fire
04:34
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Tendon muscle bone
When I’m alone
Sometimes I'll add up all the
Parts that made you whole
The flesh and cartilage
And all I know is
If we go to worms
Or go to flames
It’s all the same
It’s just an end and a beginning
No one’s lost and no one’s winning
So light the funeral pyre
Heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
Let it burn
Now you sit upon a shelf
Inside a box, inside a house
That you once built
With wood and plaster
Framing nails and window glass and I’m sure
Mom will dust you off from time to time
And try her best
Not to think to hard about the ending
And the heat of the funeral pyre
Your heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
A temple turned to ashes
Mortal returned to earth
Someday we’ll sell the house
We’ll move mom out
And someone new will
Chop the wood and clean the gutters
Run the dehumidifier
And a body’s like a home
It’s just a vessel overgrown
With all the love that you put in it
Without borders love’s infinite
So light the funeral pyre
Heart literally on fire
Close your eyes, love
Say goodbye, love
And let it burn
Smoke rise like memories
Linger with me
But let it burn
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9. |
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The changing of the seasons
From summer into fall
And three years ago
I flew back home after that call
The birch leaves fade yellow
Maple turns to red
And it was just the other day
That I remembered you were dead
It was just the other day
And the day before that too
Not one hour has passed that I don’t think of losing you
Now who will be my fortress
If you’re lost to the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be protected
Like the child that I once was
Like how you’d hold me just because
I had moved to Boston
A master of my fate
And by the time I realized what I had done it was too late
And I wonder if you knew
How soon death would come for you?
Did you miss me?
Did you wish that I’d stayed back to help you through?
And will you be my fortress
At the end of the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be forgiven
For the things I could not give
Squeeze me tight like I’m a kid
And let me try it all again
My head upon your chest then
Your golden girl returned
I memorized your every breath
And cursed the lesson I had learned
And you were strong as ever
Right until the end
Your arms strung tight like Popeye
And your will could not be bent
But I couldn’t stay for long
And day by day you still held on
So I kissed you on the forehead
And had to leave you just at dawn
And as the plane touched down 1,500 miles away
You took your final breath
And they called me just to say
Will you be my fortress
At the end of the world?
I don’t need to talk about it
I just want someplace to curl
Up small and be reminded
Of what goodbye really means
Like the smell of autumn leaves
Coming back to me
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